A Mew From The Bridge

While stood on the canal bridge,
I found I’d hit a snag.
I’d brought the bricks and kittens,
But not the bloody bag.
But I’m a big ideas man,
I think outside the box.
My improvised solution?
I did it with my socks.

Jim Wins

Jim’s very handsome, I’m not so much,
I’m pretty awkward, Jim’s not as such.
Jim’s got some mucles, I’m pretty weak.
Jim’s really confident, I barely speak.
I got some biros, Jim learned to paint.
I had my stomach pumped, Jim showed restraint.
Jim wins at everything, I tend to fail.
I hugged a dolphin, Jim shagged a whale.

Dodo

We lived on a rock in the Indian Ocean,
When some sailors arrived and caused quite a commotion.
We thought we were food when they came to our isle,
But they ate very few of us – dodos taste vile.
But they’d brought with them dogs to whom we were delicious,
And soon dogs were running amok on Mauritius.
Perhaps if our wings were conducive to flying,
A few of us might have escaped without dying.
But no, as it was, we were soon all destroyed,
And the world had an empty and dodo-shaped void.

Pig Riding

I’ve got a pig I like to ride,
His name is Little Scott.
I’m really good at riding pigs,
While lots of folks are not.

Drug Dog

I’m a dog who sniffs for drugs
Before you board a plane.
I’ve gone through loads of teaching
And I’ve got a great dog brain.
I’ll sniff in search of ketamine
Or sweet sweet Mary Jane,
But hoping I’ll find heroin
Or shitloads of cocaine.

Decoration

Kitty litter, kitty litter.
A box, a tray, a thing of grit, a
Place where cats can come and shit, a
Venue unimproved by glitter.