The Results Are In

We’ll start off with the audience, then view you from a wide,
Then a close-up so we see you beaming, overwhelmed with pride.
And as you start to sing the crowd will burst into applause,
Which hopefully will cover any opening-note flaws.
This isn’t just a song – we want the audience in tears,
Simultaneously sad and swinging from the chandeliers.
It’s a happy song, but heart-breaking, so folks’ll be confused,
We want truly tragic smiles, we want a lot of tissues used.
Your performance will have audiences eating from your hands,
Overwhelmed by twin emotions no-one really understands.
Your voice will crack at one point like you really are upset,
And we’ll have some TV magic that no viewer will forget.
And you’ll stand up from the stool just as you start the second verse,
And the grannies who are crying will start crying slightly worse.
Smile with sadness in your eyes and walk across the studio floor
And the tears upon the nation’s cheeks will flow a little more.
Then the stagehands cut the wires and the balloons fall from the ceiling,
And we’ve basically controlled how fifteen million are feeling.